Our 2 angels. xx

Our 2 angels. xx
Rinty and Spring. xx

Odd One Out. A poem written by Sarah Edwards.

Why oh why are we odd ones out,
Night after night, I dream of more,
Time and time again, I say to myself,
The longing,wanting,hurting, feels so sore,
Will it be different for us,
No, I don’t seem to think,
Friends,family don’t understand,
Our feelings, our yearnings, our hopes and dreams.
Oh, there she is, the barren one,
Nothing can fill this empty space,
In my hearts desire, this tragic place,
In enters the stress, failure and desperation.
Just the same, month in, month out,
Soon the years begin to race by,
Why us, why me, why not one day,
Whatever did we do wrong to live this way.
Children laughing, playing, having fun,
Sounds of happiness and joy,
But here, there is just frozen silence,
For ever, feeling the pain inside,
People think in family ways, planning this and that,
Days out at the zoo, picnics and the seaside,
Bucket and spades, sand in your shoes,
We would love this, if only God would choose.
Empty homes, empty rooms, empty wombs,
Just us two, as one, as ever before,
Don’t get me wrong, the strong love is there,
Will always be, I will love you ever more,
Friends, colleagues,neighbours, forget you have none,
Just everyday planning of family fun,
This is all so easy and normal for you,
Then why oh why, cant we share it too…

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

My endo

Ive always had very painful, heavy periods, to the point where ive been to frightened to go anywhere. So in 2010 i finally found the courage to go to my GP. They tried me on tablets to start with, but they didnt help. So i was refered to a gynae. In 2010 the hospital performed an endometrial ablation, a biopsy and had a good look round and found endometriosis. The ablation worked well, i was period free for a whole year, woohoo. But March 2011 they came back, boy they were so painful, painful, did i mention they were painful.

I went back to my GP who arranged a scan and sent a letter off to the gynae to see me. I had my scan in May 2011, my GP said it showed ovarian cysts and fibroids. I finally got my appointment at the hospital for 18th August, some 3 months later. In the meantime im in pain and off sick from work.

Off i went to my appointment, after 3 hours of sitting in the waiting room, a nurse fetches me to check my BP, it was 165/110, its high, no wonder after feeling anxious waiting for 3 hours, anyway i go in see my gynae, but it wasnt him, it was an understudy of his. She looked at my notes and said right this is what we are going to do. You will have an injection called Decapeptyl , i hadnt heard much about this, i asked her about it but she wasnt really very helpful, I was given this injection. I left the room virtually in tears after all the waiting round and the general feeling of missinformation about the jab. When we left the hospital we had been there for 4 hours...

I went to my own GP to explain what they did. She told me i will need 6 monthly injections which i hadnt been told. Decapeptyl is a hormone which shuts down your ovaries and brings on an early menapause. It is often used in men in the later stages of prostate cancer. !!!!
Horrible side effects come with it, the ones i have are hot sweats/flushes, headaches, memory loss, confusion,weight gain , acne , bone and joint pain and being in a permant foggy feeling in my head..
I was prescribed some other hormone tablets to take alongside the monthly jabs to help with the effects. I have also been prescribed some strong painkillers tramadol and diclofenac. One of my main concerns is getting dependant on them.

After 3 months of my jabs on the 8th November 2011, i went for a follow up with my gynae, guess what i didnt see him, just ANOTHER understudy. She asked how i was getting on, she arranged another scan on the 18th November to see how things are, and to see if anything has changed. Then i have to go back to hospital on the 20th December 2011, the gynae will then decide if he needs to do a lapraoscpy.

I feel a bit upside down with it all to be honest, i feel ive been fobbed off with a few things, im still getting pain, i grant the painkillers help, but im still off work. Nothing will be done now until next year.

We will have to see what 2012 brings me. I hope it will be a better year, please tell me it will...Its got to better than 2011 hasnt it.......

1 comment:

  1. I know exactly how you feel! I have been suffering since i was 16, I am now 22, and no doctors or gyneas seem to help or give me any information at all, i have been told i need a laparoscopy, yet I'm still waiting to hear from the hospital! Surprise surprise, and they have only decided this now after 6 years! Luckily for me i have my dad coming with my to my next appointment tomorrow whose going to make sure somethings gets done pretty soon before he has to write a complaint about there incompetence! If you ever need to chat about anything i am here! Good luck to you! And stay strong!