Our 2 angels. xx

Our 2 angels. xx
Rinty and Spring. xx

Odd One Out. A poem written by Sarah Edwards.

Why oh why are we odd ones out,
Night after night, I dream of more,
Time and time again, I say to myself,
The longing,wanting,hurting, feels so sore,
Will it be different for us,
No, I don’t seem to think,
Friends,family don’t understand,
Our feelings, our yearnings, our hopes and dreams.
Oh, there she is, the barren one,
Nothing can fill this empty space,
In my hearts desire, this tragic place,
In enters the stress, failure and desperation.
Just the same, month in, month out,
Soon the years begin to race by,
Why us, why me, why not one day,
Whatever did we do wrong to live this way.
Children laughing, playing, having fun,
Sounds of happiness and joy,
But here, there is just frozen silence,
For ever, feeling the pain inside,
People think in family ways, planning this and that,
Days out at the zoo, picnics and the seaside,
Bucket and spades, sand in your shoes,
We would love this, if only God would choose.
Empty homes, empty rooms, empty wombs,
Just us two, as one, as ever before,
Don’t get me wrong, the strong love is there,
Will always be, I will love you ever more,
Friends, colleagues,neighbours, forget you have none,
Just everyday planning of family fun,
This is all so easy and normal for you,
Then why oh why, cant we share it too…

Tuesday, 17 September 2013

Fresh start

Well 17 months after my total hysterectomy I feel much better, but feel empty....Not in so much pain thankfuly only from the pain from a few adhesions. My heart will always ache from never being able to carry a child.

On 5th August 2013 I started a brand new job with Marks & Spencers at there great big brand new warehouse just down from the road where I live. Im loving it up to now......

My life should be good now, we are both working fulltime, have 2 lovely dogs, but...there is always a but isn't there....

Friday, 11 January 2013

Letting go of the Dream

Just created a new Facebook group called Letting go of the Dream. Its a group just for couples who cannot have children. There arent enough groups for couples for who it is final. Not for couples who are trying to conceive sorry. xx

Friday, 30 March 2012

Getting close

Well my hysterectomy is getting close now, i had my pre op yesterday. The nurses are a little worried aabout my blood pressure, so i am going to visit my gp on Monday to see if they can give me something to calm me down as im very anxious. This time next week i wont be a complete woman any more and no longer be able to dream of my miracle of ever having my own baby in my arms....

Saturday, 10 March 2012

Rambling on....

 Well im having a life changing operation on 4th April 2012. Im having a total hysterectomy with ovaries, tubes and cervix out. I know im feeling very emotional about it, it should make me feel better, but on the other hand i know it will mean the end of my dreams of ever having a baby. It hurts because i feel at times im not a proper woman. I feel empty. I knew before, we could never have children but this is just the end of any miracles that could happen. Dont get me wrong i want the operation because at the moment i have no quality of life. It just makes you think....

ESA Assesment

Im dreading Wednesday 14th March. I have an appointment to see if i can get some help financially while im off sick and after my hysterectomy. I have worked all my life and this is the first time ive asked for anything. Its just not fair. Some people i know of have never worked at all, they get hundreds of pounds each week.
I feel im being judged because im ill. Life is so not fair........

Saturday, 25 February 2012

Hysterectomy booked.

Went to see my new gynae consultant on 17th Feb, 2012. My new consultant Mr J Allsop was lovely, he actually sat and listened to me.
Ive had enough of the intense pain, as there was nothing else to try as ive tried lots already the time has come to get rid of it all...Im having a total abdominal hysterectomy with removaal of ovaries too.
Im hoping after a long recovery i can have some sort of life back.

Surgery is booked for 4th April, 2012. At Derby Royal City Hospital. Ward 209.

Saturday, 4 February 2012

4th Feb. 2012

Well i know i havent written for a while, it feels like life just slips by so fast. Im still suffering endo pains, i have now finished my monthly hormone injections, and just waiting to see what happens next, will my monthly cycle return to normal or not.
Ive been having other symptoms just lately, ie terrible bone/joint/muscle pain and tiredness all the time, so on Monday 6th Feb im having some blood tests.
The place i work have now stopped paying my SSP so i have had to try and claim for ESA, as i still cant go back to work yet.
Thanks to whoever reads this. I love you all.