sarahs blog: I had years of this.......

Odd One Out. A poem written by Sarah Edwards.

Why oh why are we odd ones out,
Night after night, I dream of more,
Time and time again, I say to myself,
The longing,wanting,hurting, feels so sore,
Will it be different for us,
No, I don’t seem to think,
Friends,family don’t understand,
Our feelings, our yearnings, our hopes and dreams.
Oh, there she is, the barren one,
Nothing can fill this empty space,
In my hearts desire, this tragic place,
In enters the stress, failure and desperation.
Just the same, month in, month out,
Soon the years begin to race by,
Why us, why me, why not one day,
Whatever did we do wrong to live this way.
Children laughing, playing, having fun,
Sounds of happiness and joy,
But here, there is just frozen silence,
For ever, feeling the pain inside,
People think in family ways, planning this and that,
Days out at the zoo, picnics and the seaside,
Bucket and spades, sand in your shoes,
We would love this, if only God would choose.
Empty homes, empty rooms, empty wombs,
Just us two, as one, as ever before,
Don’t get me wrong, the strong love is there,
Will always be, I will love you ever more,
Friends, colleagues,neighbours, forget you have none,
Just everyday planning of family fun,
This is all so easy and normal for you,
Then why oh why, cant we share it too…

Tuesday 15 November 2011

I had years of this.......

Step 1: Expect arrival of your period
Step 2: Check toilet paper hourly
Step 3: Feel slightly hopeful when your period is 30 minutes late
Step 4: Keep checking toilet paper hourly
Step 5: Light spotting
Step 6: Insert swear word
Step 7: Begin crying on the toilet
Step 8: Random thoughts include: “Is this really my period or is it implantation bleeding?”
Step 9: You still remain 1% hopeful but you just know it’s over
Step 10: Check toilet paper again
Step 11: Bleeding gets heavier. Infertile sobbing and runny nose begins
Step 12: You don’t have any tampons/pads because you refused to buy them last month. Run to store
Step 13: Another pair of underpants ruined
Step 14: More tears and increased moodiness begins. Husband/partner doesn’t understand why you’re crying on the toilet seat
Step 15: Call fertility clinic and sob into the phone… “Hi, it’s Infertile (insert your name). I’m calling on my Day One….”
Step 16: Screw you, Folic Acid pills. You are not taking any this week
Step 17: Buy a large decaf highly caffeinated coffee, chocolate and a bottle of wine. Enjoy
Repeat next month.
The Period. Punctuation for the end but also meaning a new beginning and starting fresh.