40th Birthday. 30/10/2011

Well today wasnt as bad as i thought, ive had a great day, thanks to my wonderful husband Ian. I had a new laptop, my first ever laptop, a new pair of boots and money to spend, what more could a girl wish for. Only for her mum to remember her birthday, but that aint never going to happen :(
Thanks for a lovely day. My dad rang to wish me happy birthday too, after a lovely day spent with him yesterday. Its my dads 68th birthday on Tuesday. xxxx

Friday, 28th October. 2011

Not had much of a good day today, couldnt sleep last night, had about 2 hours sleep. Lots of pain in my ovaries today and terrible back ache with it. Also had lots of hot flushes, went shopping with Ian poor Ian had to finish the shopping while i went out to cool down.
I dont know what i would do without him, he has been so good looking after me. xxx

Birthday coming up

As my 40th birthday approaches, it makes me think of my mum. When i was 9 my mum walked out on dad and me. She left with my dads friend.Always when my birthday/christmas occurs i often wonder if she ever thinks of me at all.Weve had no contact at all, it does hurt at times, but most of the time i try to put it at the back of mind.
Im so grateful to my dad who brought me up wonderfully but i know it was hard at times working 2 or 3 jobs.
My mum walked out on us at a difficult time for me, at 9 just when a young girl needs her mum. I was the only kid in the school without a mum. It was a very hard and upsetting time, i sometimes think did i miss out on some of my childhood, but dad did his best.
Now dad has remarried again and been happy for the last 20 odd years with my stepmum. It often makes me think when my birthday comes around. It helps me to write it down. Thats it for now. Take care. xx

Sick and tired of feeling like this

I wish i never had this disease Endometriosis, why me....
Sick of the discomfort and pain and being of work. Got a hospital appointment on the 8th Nov, im going to demand they try and do something else, ive tried the monthly injections of hormones, i dont think they have helped much.

Im posting in here to rant, as im sure my friends on Facebook are tired of me moaning all the time.

The Odd One Out. A poem by Sarah Edwards

Why oh why are we odd ones out,

Night after night, I dream of more,

Time and time again, I say to myself,

The longing,wanting,hurting,feels so sore,

Will it be different for us,

No, I don’t seem to think,

Friends,family don’t understand,

Our feelings,our yearnings,our hopes and dreams.

Oh, there she is, the barren one,

Nothing can fill this empty space,

In enters the stress,failure and desperation.

Just the same, month in, month out,

Soon the years begin to race by,

Why us, why me, why not one day,

Whatever did we do wrong to live this way.

Children laughing, playing, having fun,

Sounds of happiness and joy,

But here, there is just frozen silence,

Forever, feeling the pain inside.

People think in family ways, planning this and that,

Days out at the zoo, picnics and the seaside,

Bucket and spades, sand in our shoes,

We would love this, if only god would choose.

Empty homes, empty rooms, empty wombs,

Just us two, as one, as ever before,

Don’t get me wrong, the strong love is there,

Will always be, I will love you ever more.

Friends, colleagues, neighbours, forget you have none,

Just everyday planning of family fun,

This is all so easy and normal for you,

Then why oh why, cant we share it too.