sarahs blog: February 2012

Odd One Out. A poem written by Sarah Edwards.

Why oh why are we odd ones out,
Night after night, I dream of more,
Time and time again, I say to myself,
The longing,wanting,hurting, feels so sore,
Will it be different for us,
No, I don’t seem to think,
Friends,family don’t understand,
Our feelings, our yearnings, our hopes and dreams.
Oh, there she is, the barren one,
Nothing can fill this empty space,
In my hearts desire, this tragic place,
In enters the stress, failure and desperation.
Just the same, month in, month out,
Soon the years begin to race by,
Why us, why me, why not one day,
Whatever did we do wrong to live this way.
Children laughing, playing, having fun,
Sounds of happiness and joy,
But here, there is just frozen silence,
For ever, feeling the pain inside,
People think in family ways, planning this and that,
Days out at the zoo, picnics and the seaside,
Bucket and spades, sand in your shoes,
We would love this, if only God would choose.
Empty homes, empty rooms, empty wombs,
Just us two, as one, as ever before,
Don’t get me wrong, the strong love is there,
Will always be, I will love you ever more,
Friends, colleagues,neighbours, forget you have none,
Just everyday planning of family fun,
This is all so easy and normal for you,
Then why oh why, cant we share it too…

Saturday, 25 February 2012

Hysterectomy booked.

Went to see my new gynae consultant on 17th Feb, 2012. My new consultant Mr J Allsop was lovely, he actually sat and listened to me.
Ive had enough of the intense pain, as there was nothing else to try as ive tried lots already the time has come to get rid of it all...Im having a total abdominal hysterectomy with removaal of ovaries too.
Im hoping after a long recovery i can have some sort of life back.

Surgery is booked for 4th April, 2012. At Derby Royal City Hospital. Ward 209.

Saturday, 4 February 2012

4th Feb. 2012

Well i know i havent written for a while, it feels like life just slips by so fast. Im still suffering endo pains, i have now finished my monthly hormone injections, and just waiting to see what happens next, will my monthly cycle return to normal or not.
Ive been having other symptoms just lately, ie terrible bone/joint/muscle pain and tiredness all the time, so on Monday 6th Feb im having some blood tests.
The place i work have now stopped paying my SSP so i have had to try and claim for ESA, as i still cant go back to work yet.
Thanks to whoever reads this. I love you all.