sarahs blog: January 2012

Odd One Out. A poem written by Sarah Edwards.

Why oh why are we odd ones out,
Night after night, I dream of more,
Time and time again, I say to myself,
The longing,wanting,hurting, feels so sore,
Will it be different for us,
No, I don’t seem to think,
Friends,family don’t understand,
Our feelings, our yearnings, our hopes and dreams.
Oh, there she is, the barren one,
Nothing can fill this empty space,
In my hearts desire, this tragic place,
In enters the stress, failure and desperation.
Just the same, month in, month out,
Soon the years begin to race by,
Why us, why me, why not one day,
Whatever did we do wrong to live this way.
Children laughing, playing, having fun,
Sounds of happiness and joy,
But here, there is just frozen silence,
For ever, feeling the pain inside,
People think in family ways, planning this and that,
Days out at the zoo, picnics and the seaside,
Bucket and spades, sand in your shoes,
We would love this, if only God would choose.
Empty homes, empty rooms, empty wombs,
Just us two, as one, as ever before,
Don’t get me wrong, the strong love is there,
Will always be, I will love you ever more,
Friends, colleagues,neighbours, forget you have none,
Just everyday planning of family fun,
This is all so easy and normal for you,
Then why oh why, cant we share it too…

Monday, 2 January 2012

Endo poem

My Enemy

Creeping, crawling through my body, you leave me in a heap;
Biting, burning through my pelvis, burying yourself down deep.

... I fight you hard, I dont give up but never seem to win;
Across my back I feel the pain, my hope just gets more dim.

You never leave me, never go, you wont leave me alone;
My body twists and I cant move, I hear myself just groan.

The pain's so bad, I cant describe, I really just cant say;
How bad it feels to have you here all of every day.

The doctors look me up and down as if I am insane;
I ask for help, I plead with them "just take away the pain".

They never help me properly, they never seem to know;
What causes this disease inside me to grow and grow and grow.

They cut me open, operate, "I'm better" is what they say;
A few months later I feel it back, have pain there every day.

"So try this hormone, stops the pain, you will be better with this";
And for a couple of wonderful weeks my life is complete bliss.

Well yes you guessed it, guess whats back, the minute that they stop;
My hope it crumbles, pain is back, my body seems to flop.

So what next, what do I do, should I have another test?
Back at the doctors they treat me like a complete and utter pest.

"We dont know what we're doing now, we dont know what to do;
Live with the pain, put on a smile, the rest is up to you".

I'll never win this evil fight, I'll always live in pain;
A cloudy head, a shattered heart, I feel like i'm insane.

You give me pain, take away my life, there's nothing I can do;
but stay at home, make no plans, throw up, run to the loo;

I feel so sad with this disease and how it ruins my life;
takes away the joy that i had and replaces it with strife.

Other people dont understand what this does to us;
Other women just look on and think we make a fuss.

So as you read this very poem, understand and dont assume;
That we want attention, or like to talk of gloom.

We won't give up our fight, as we cannot just give in;
To let you win and just give up would be a total sin.

And so dear Endo, just to say the longer that you stay;
The harder that I will fight to make you go away.

anonymous