My Enemy
Creeping, crawling through my body, you leave me in a heap;
Biting, burning through my pelvis, burying yourself down deep.
... I fight you hard, I dont give up but never seem to win;
Across my back I feel the pain, my hope just gets more dim.
You never leave me, never go, you wont leave me alone;
My body twists and I cant move, I hear myself just groan.
The pain's so bad, I cant describe, I really just cant say;
How bad it feels to have you here all of every day.
The doctors look me up and down as if I am insane;
I ask for help, I plead with them "just take away the pain".
They never help me properly, they never seem to know;
What causes this disease inside me to grow and grow and grow.
They cut me open, operate, "I'm better" is what they say;
A few months later I feel it back, have pain there every day.
"So try this hormone, stops the pain, you will be better with this";
And for a couple of wonderful weeks my life is complete bliss.
Well yes you guessed it, guess whats back, the minute that they stop;
My hope it crumbles, pain is back, my body seems to flop.
So what next, what do I do, should I have another test?
Back at the doctors they treat me like a complete and utter pest.
"We dont know what we're doing now, we dont know what to do;
Live with the pain, put on a smile, the rest is up to you".
I'll never win this evil fight, I'll always live in pain;
A cloudy head, a shattered heart, I feel like i'm insane.
You give me pain, take away my life, there's nothing I can do;
but stay at home, make no plans, throw up, run to the loo;
I feel so sad with this disease and how it ruins my life;
takes away the joy that i had and replaces it with strife.
Other people dont understand what this does to us;
Other women just look on and think we make a fuss.
So as you read this very poem, understand and dont assume;
That we want attention, or like to talk of gloom.
We won't give up our fight, as we cannot just give in;
To let you win and just give up would be a total sin.
And so dear Endo, just to say the longer that you stay;
The harder that I will fight to make you go away.
anonymous
Our 2 angels. xx
Rinty and Spring. xx
Monday, 2 January 2012
Friday, 30 December 2011
Saturday, 10 December 2011
Dreams
It's frustrating to watch everyone else's dreams come true while knowing your own are slipping farther and farther away from becoming reality...
Christmas is coming
Well its that time of the year again when families come together, children get excited.
Sadly not for us, ive found out this week 3 of our FB friends are pregnant. I am so pleased for them, so dont think im selfish at all.I wish them all the very best.Its just this time of year gets me depressed at times, thinking what we will never have. xx
Sadly not for us, ive found out this week 3 of our FB friends are pregnant. I am so pleased for them, so dont think im selfish at all.I wish them all the very best.Its just this time of year gets me depressed at times, thinking what we will never have. xx
Sunday, 4 December 2011
My poem Odd One Out
Dont forget to check out my poem on here further down my blog page.
Its called Odd One Out..
Its called Odd One Out..
Bloomin drugs
Ive been reading about the hormone im being injected with every month. The one i take is also given to men with the later stage of prostate cancer, so imagine what it does to us, no wonder there are so many side effects. I have read somewhere about it which has compared the drug alongside chemo drugs.
Tuesday, 29 November 2011
Living with daily pain..
Letter to non chronic pain suffers
I just read this letter, posted on another site, and thought it was excellent.
"Letter to people without chronic pain (applies equally to chronic illness)-
Having chronic pain means many things change, and a lot of them are invisible. Unlike having cancer or being hurt in an accident, most people do not understand even a little about chronic pain and its effects, and of those that think they know, many are actually misinformed.
In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand, these are the things that I would like you to understand about me before you judge me ...
Please understand that being sick doesn't mean I'm not still a human being. I have to spend most of my day in considerable pain and exhaustion, and if you visit, sometimes I probably don't seem like much fun to be with, but I'm still me - stuck inside of this body. I still worry about school, my family, my friends, and most of the time I'd still like to hear you talk about yours, too.
Please understand the difference between "happy" and "healthy". When you've got the flu, you probably feel miserable with it, but I've been sick for years. I can't be miserable all the time. In fact, I work hard at not being miserable. So if you're talking to me and I sound happy, it means I'm happy. that's all. It doesn't mean that I'm not in a lot of pain, or extremely tired, or that I'm getting better, or any of those things. Please don't say "Oh, you're sounding better!" or "But you look so healthy!" I am merely coping. I am sounding happy and trying to look normal. If you want to comment on that, you're welcome.
Please understand that being able to stand/sit/walk for ten minutes doesn't necessarily mean that I can stand/sit/walk for twenty minutes, or an hour. Just because I managed to stand/sit/walk for thirty minutes yesterday doesn't mean that I can do the same today. With a lot of diseases you're either paralyzed, or you can move. With this one, it gets more confusing everyday. It can be like a yo-yo. I never know from day to day, how I am going to feel when I wake up. In most cases, I never know from minute to minute. That is one of the hardest and most frustrating components of chronic pain.
Please understand that chronic pain is variable. It's quite possible (for many, it's common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, while the next day I'll have trouble getting to the next room. Please don't attack me when I'm ill by saying, "but you did it before!" or "Oh, come on, I know you can do this!" If you want me to do something, then ask if I can.
In a similar vein, I may need to cancel a previous commitment at the last minute. If this happens, please do not take it personally. If you are able, please try to always remember how very lucky you are -- to be physically able to do all of the things that you can do.
Please understand that "getting out and doing things" does not make me feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. You don't know what I go through or how I suffer inmy own private time. Telling me that I need to exercise or do some things to get my mind off of it may frustrate me to tears, and is not correct if I was capable of doing some things any or all of the time, don't you know that I would?
another statement that hurts is "you just need to push yourself more, try harder ... " Obviously, chronic pain can deal with the whole body, or be localized to specific areas. Sometimes participating in a single activity for a short or a long period of time can cause more physical pain than you could ever imagine.
Not to mention the recovery time, which can be intense. You can't always read it on my face or in my body language. Also, chronic pain may cause secondary depression (wouldn't you get depressed and down if you were hurting constantly for months and years?), but it is not created by depression.
Please understand that if I say I have to sit down/lie down/stay in bed/or take these pills now, that probably means that I do have to do it righ tnow - it can't be put off or forgotten just because I'm somewhere, or am right in the middle of doing something. Chronic pain does not forgive, nor does it wait for anyone.
If I seem touchy, it's probably because I am. It's not how I try to be. As a matter of fact, I try very hard to be normal. I hope you will try to understand. I have been and am stilll, going through a lot. Chronic pain is hard for you to understand unless you have had it. It wreaks havoc on the body and the mind. It is exhausting and exasperating.
Almost all the time, I know that I am doing my best to cope with tihs, and live my life to the best of my ability. I ask you to bear with me, and accept me as I am. I know that you cannot literally understand my situation unless you have been in my shoes, but as much as is possible, I am asking you to try to be understanding in general.
In many ways I depend on you - people who are not sick. I need you to visit me when I am too sick to go out ... Sometimes I need you to help me with the shopping, cooking, or cleaning. I may need you to take me to the doctor, or to the store. You are my link to the normalcy of life. You can help me to keep in touch with the parts of life that I miss and fully intend to undertake again, just as soon as I am able.
I know that I asked a lot from you, and I do thank you for listening. It really does mean a lot.
-Author unknown.
"Letter to people without chronic pain (applies equally to chronic illness)-
Having chronic pain means many things change, and a lot of them are invisible. Unlike having cancer or being hurt in an accident, most people do not understand even a little about chronic pain and its effects, and of those that think they know, many are actually misinformed.
In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand, these are the things that I would like you to understand about me before you judge me ...
Please understand that being sick doesn't mean I'm not still a human being. I have to spend most of my day in considerable pain and exhaustion, and if you visit, sometimes I probably don't seem like much fun to be with, but I'm still me - stuck inside of this body. I still worry about school, my family, my friends, and most of the time I'd still like to hear you talk about yours, too.
Please understand the difference between "happy" and "healthy". When you've got the flu, you probably feel miserable with it, but I've been sick for years. I can't be miserable all the time. In fact, I work hard at not being miserable. So if you're talking to me and I sound happy, it means I'm happy. that's all. It doesn't mean that I'm not in a lot of pain, or extremely tired, or that I'm getting better, or any of those things. Please don't say "Oh, you're sounding better!" or "But you look so healthy!" I am merely coping. I am sounding happy and trying to look normal. If you want to comment on that, you're welcome.
Please understand that being able to stand/sit/walk for ten minutes doesn't necessarily mean that I can stand/sit/walk for twenty minutes, or an hour. Just because I managed to stand/sit/walk for thirty minutes yesterday doesn't mean that I can do the same today. With a lot of diseases you're either paralyzed, or you can move. With this one, it gets more confusing everyday. It can be like a yo-yo. I never know from day to day, how I am going to feel when I wake up. In most cases, I never know from minute to minute. That is one of the hardest and most frustrating components of chronic pain.
Please understand that chronic pain is variable. It's quite possible (for many, it's common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, while the next day I'll have trouble getting to the next room. Please don't attack me when I'm ill by saying, "but you did it before!" or "Oh, come on, I know you can do this!" If you want me to do something, then ask if I can.
In a similar vein, I may need to cancel a previous commitment at the last minute. If this happens, please do not take it personally. If you are able, please try to always remember how very lucky you are -- to be physically able to do all of the things that you can do.
Please understand that "getting out and doing things" does not make me feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. You don't know what I go through or how I suffer inmy own private time. Telling me that I need to exercise or do some things to get my mind off of it may frustrate me to tears, and is not correct if I was capable of doing some things any or all of the time, don't you know that I would?
another statement that hurts is "you just need to push yourself more, try harder ... " Obviously, chronic pain can deal with the whole body, or be localized to specific areas. Sometimes participating in a single activity for a short or a long period of time can cause more physical pain than you could ever imagine.
Not to mention the recovery time, which can be intense. You can't always read it on my face or in my body language. Also, chronic pain may cause secondary depression (wouldn't you get depressed and down if you were hurting constantly for months and years?), but it is not created by depression.
Please understand that if I say I have to sit down/lie down/stay in bed/or take these pills now, that probably means that I do have to do it righ tnow - it can't be put off or forgotten just because I'm somewhere, or am right in the middle of doing something. Chronic pain does not forgive, nor does it wait for anyone.
If I seem touchy, it's probably because I am. It's not how I try to be. As a matter of fact, I try very hard to be normal. I hope you will try to understand. I have been and am stilll, going through a lot. Chronic pain is hard for you to understand unless you have had it. It wreaks havoc on the body and the mind. It is exhausting and exasperating.
Almost all the time, I know that I am doing my best to cope with tihs, and live my life to the best of my ability. I ask you to bear with me, and accept me as I am. I know that you cannot literally understand my situation unless you have been in my shoes, but as much as is possible, I am asking you to try to be understanding in general.
In many ways I depend on you - people who are not sick. I need you to visit me when I am too sick to go out ... Sometimes I need you to help me with the shopping, cooking, or cleaning. I may need you to take me to the doctor, or to the store. You are my link to the normalcy of life. You can help me to keep in touch with the parts of life that I miss and fully intend to undertake again, just as soon as I am able.
I know that I asked a lot from you, and I do thank you for listening. It really does mean a lot.
-Author unknown.
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